On June 27, a small pack gathered in Bradford for Bobbit’s boat hash. Let’s see, there were Shampoo and Moist Leatherette, who came up with Dead End and National Pornographic. And Prince Valium and Doctor Zeus. With the hare, that made seven. He said the whole thing would take about three hours. Hey, a three-hour tour. “Puffin”, six letters, “Minnow”, er, six letters… Can’t mean anything… But why did Bobbit keep calling me “little buddy”…?

  First, the land-bound part. But in a part of the world called the Holland Marsh, “land” sometimes had a vague meaning. Setting out from a marina, the trail set out along some very flat fields, and after a while headed into the woods. Let’s not call it a swamp. Let’s just say it had a very high water table. Squelchy mud was always just barely beneath the surface. And then the mosquitoes came out: large, aggressive, persistent mosquitoes that could only be avoided by trying to outrun them. Which is what Dead End, Prince Valium, Natty Porn and Doctor Zeus did, while laggards Shampoo and Moist got to be eaten alive.

  The trail came out of the woods at the abandoned pickle factory, and then basically went up a straight, flat, boring road for a kilometre and then turned at a right angle along another straight, flat, boring road for a couple of clicks. But then we were at a second marina, and the Minnow, sorry, the Puffin was docked ready for us, most importantly with beer on board.

  Then we chugged quite delightfully along the Holland River, most of us going topside to drink beer and gaze dreamily into the middle distance. Or, as in Moist’s case, to topless sunbathe. One of the boat’s engines had conked out, so we proceeded at not much more than walking pace, enjoying the beautiful sunshine and repelling the occasional attack by Somali pirates. At least that’s what we kept yelling whenever another boat gained on us.

  After an hour and a bit we were back at our original marina, where it was time for burgers and hot dogs and a circle led by Shampoo. All in all, a delightful day: I also learned how to make a radio out of a coconut, but my scupper is hurting a bit and my bilge definitely needs more lubrication.