We are pleased to announce that after bargaining (drinking) late into the night, Hogtown Mismanagement and the Trash Writers Association of Toronto (Local 69) have reached an agreement in principle. Pending a ratification vote, the strike is over. Yay.

ALTHOUGH I LOVE THE HASH AND (MOST OF) THE HASHERS (EXCEPT MAYBE DUNG DODGER) THE FOLLOWING RULES WILL BE FOLLOWED:
1. No matter how much you like the food you are not allowed CHUGGING IT and dropping it all over my floor.
2. No standing or jumping on: a) my coffee table b) my bed c) anything other than my floor!
3. Pretend you are going for a walk in the forest and are trying to be kind to the environment -- in other words leave it the way found it! SO IF I CATCH YOU REMOVING ANYTHING (LABELS FROM CANS OR OTHERWISE) YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A TIME OUT!
4. If Dung Dodger decides to attend he must have a designated nanny/manny determined at the start of the hash to discipline him should he get out of line.
I PROMISE THE PUB WILL BE OPEN THIS TIME!

With these ground rules laid out by school marm Half Wit, we gathered with trepidation at the Gabby’s on Eglinton. By the time I arrived, Zig Zag was busy conducting a survey on Canadian immigration policies. Working the red carpet was hash fashionista Just Karen, who noted that Wet Spot had arrived wearing a body bag and that Hugh Jackman arrived in fine lumberjack flannel. Oopsie... that was Back Door Buzz. Easy mistake.
After Half Wit and Birdbrian had passed around their engagement chocolates we headed outside for chalk talk. The main task here was to find a nanny/manny for hash hoodlum Dung Dodger. With Moist Leatherette accepting the role it wasn’t long before we were looking for chalk along Eglinton.
Our first landmark was the Lyndhurst Rehab Hospital. This had excitable HaiPooGuy on the lookout for Dr. Drew and a host of drug addled celebrities. No-one had the energy to burst his bubble.
From here we followed the day glo orange markings into the valley. While gymno-dad Wet Pussy practised his balance beam the rest of us struggled valiantly up the bank behind Sunnybrook Hospital only to discover an “F”. Detailed forensic examination however indicated that it had once been an arrow and that mischievous Casket Case had rearranged it into the shape of an “F”. Naughty boy!
Across Bayview we followed Dung Dodger who, like a cat on AFV (but not as cute), had managed to get his head stuck in a box.
Through Surewood Park we trotted before heading up to Mount Pleasant. Here small town school teacher Prince Valium picked up a copy of big city NOW magazine. Apparently Whitby This Week doesn’t have She Male ads.

A short time later we were at the Unicorn where despite assurances of Halfwit, and much to the dismay of the FRB’s, the doors were locked. Fortunately, they opened a short time later sparing the hare the shame of having to lead us to another pub.

After a quick drink and a heated conversation about chaffing and nipple burn we marched across the street and shoehorned into Casa Half Wit. Hash hoodlum Dung Dodger however was slightly delayed as he had to stop in at Macs Milk to pick up some canned goods.
Prior to commencing circle Humpday asked for a moment of silence for all the icthyoids that had died over the past week. The highlight of the circle was Moist Leatherette deciding to liven things up with a preview of her outfit for the next lingerie hash. In appreciation, Casket Case took “care of her” later in the kitchen.

After listening to Half Wit and Back Door Buzz talk about cooking camel I was starting to get nervous.  You can imagine my relief when I found the dinner table was piled high with Bulgogi and Kim Chi (yum... seoul food).Anyway, that’s all for this week, it’s nice to be back writing trash again. I appreciate all the kind words of support I’ve received on the picket line. In closing, I have one word for all the scabs who’ve been writing trash during the strike. Thanks.