It’s a good thing I saw the FLABmobile rolling down the 427 last Saturday. Port Credit is a little out of my bailiwick and I wasn’t sure I was going in the right direction. Although the parking lot was empty when we arrived, I spied a number of people worshipping in the House of the Great Satan across the road.

Upon entering, I saw Just Cheryl,  Zamboni driver for the underwater hockey team, as well as not so new Canadian, Phone Sex, who introduced me to a couple of rather apprehensive friends; Just Marina and Just Alexander.  Not only were they virgins, but a brother and sister act as well. Also present was Just Steve, boldly wearing a kilt and Just Adrienne who figured she could hash in her 4” inch heels.

It’s always nice to have Beaverville in the house. Although Two Jugs and Black Widow looked sheepish as Oral Sox was forced to pay their hash cash.

While COD and Moonman huddled together in the CODmobile, chalk talk got underway. It was interrupted a short time later by a more than hungover Casket Case who was lost and phoning for directions. He joined COD and Eager Beaver as the only survivors of the previous evening’s legendary Hogan’s Hash.

As hare DrinksLikeaGirl gave instructions, Just Marina wondered aloud if BC stood for British Columbia. It’s been a while since we’ve had a hash that long, but with ultra-marathoners (what’s that?) Hippocratic Oaf and Just Steve around, it could happen.

Okay, please bear with me on this. As trail got underway we passed through one check and then another before arriving at a false. The hare then expected us to go back to the first check to continue checking. Hmmm... that’s new one on me. Even co-hare Double Header seemed perplexed. Hash historian Rose Eh had another more colourful word for it.

From there the trail backed across the Credit River, and through the mud and decaying salmon along its shore, before snaking through the “projects”. At least I think that’s where it went. I spied the hares carting a crate of beer through a parking lot and made a beeline for it.

The first beer check was held on the “cliffs”, high above “pristine” Lake Ontario. The second was at Natty’s. It was in this fine dining establishment, one year ago, that well to do hash attorney Johnny Cockring stuck cola vendor New Shoez with his tab. Tsk tsk. This year we asked Just Alexander to take a Polaroid of events just in case there were any problems.

The On in was held just down the street at a delightful boite known by the locals as Helen’s Fish and Chips. Out of towners will know it as Helen’s Fish and Chips. Here I admired the healthy appetite of Black Widow and Two Jugs. I was impressed... and you know I don’t impress easily.

Down downs were held on the patio and along with the hares and virgins, several hashers were singled out....

GM Humpday gave himself one for his 50th birthday

Hippocratic Oaf for travelling across the pond

Two Jugs for imitating a marine biologist

Slender Rose Eh for being envious of bodacious Just Adrienne

Casket Case for being a survivor

Moonman and COD for being swordsmen. (In case you were wondering Moonman’s is longer, COD’s is wider)

and Eager Beaver for coming late.

In lieu of territorial infringement payments down downs were also given to the Beaverville 3.

Rose Eh gave prick of the week to DrinksLikeaGirl who raised the art of trail marking to new ummm ... depths.

Last duty of the day was to award the prize for best costume. The unanimous choice was Just Steve, the virgin, who looked wonderfully hash chic in his camouflage technical shirt and plaid kilt. DrinksLikeaGirl presented him with his prize; a bottle of Cock Brand Fish Sauce. I’m not sure he’ll ever see it again though cuz Just Adrienne yanked it away. Apparently she is a big fan of cock sauce and it’s salty, slightly bitter taste.